21 July 2008

One True Bio

My Monday morning was the usual. Breakfast Dodge Ball with Otto (he is messy and creative with his meals), two drop offs, and then I sat at the computer in my jog bra. Again. I have this idea if I put on the boob corset in the morning, I'm one step closer to running when I'm kid-free. But I tweaked one vertebrae before I even left the house. It was one those incredibly athletic moves- talking on the phone. I waited it out and worked on my bio for some poems that are soon to be published in mamazine. I finished and sent it off, just in time to shower for work.

Here's what it should have read:

"Kim is a wanna-be daytime-TV-watching-housewife who should be running with the dog and/or folding laundry but is instead perfecting her three line bio. She pretends to feel guilty about the dog but secretly remembers that her childhood dogs went out back by themselves and were just fine. She also thinks that if she leaves the laundry, maybe her husband will fold it when he gets home. Kim is an expert procrastinator and mediocre cook, but she is a talented midwife and also gives great head. Her poems have appeared in less than 2% of her submissions. She lives in a cluttered house filled with fart jokes and abandoned water glasses with her handsome husband and gorgeous kids. When she's not stalling, she dreams of lounging on lawn furniture from Williams Sonoma while writing brilliant poetry."

Come on now, what's your real bio?



Jamie said...

Mine would be similar to yours only I would have something in there about the hours and hours I spend day dreaming about things I could paint/take pictures of/write and then never do. I'd includ a line about how I second guess every ability and talent I have (indluding giving good head) and wonder how long I have until my son can safely mow the lawn because that is one less thing I'd have to do in this god for saken heat.
Yah, something like that...
Congrats on your work being published! That is quite an achievemet ;)

Mothering Two said...

LOL! You wrote mine almost to the tea! Just leave out the midwife and good head part, and bingo! I suck at giving head.

Mothering Two said...

is it "tea" or T? oh well. ;)

Mage's double whammy diary said...

I was going to write my real bio, but now I am just cracking up about your friend who "sucks at giving head." Isn't that the point?

I love your writing, Sweetie.

If Stella get's her wish and there are suddenly more of you, can at least one of them move down here to the Central Coast so I can see you all the time?