30 July 2005

What will you do when you get out?

That's one of the questions I would ask a prisoner. When you have the ability to do something you can't right now, what would it be? I have imagined many answers. Swim in a lake, go to a concert, eat grandma's pie in her kitchen. There was a time (oh, so long ago in these 9 months) I would really DO things when I had freedom from my mothering duties. Put down a patio. Paint the dining room. Shift the blue fescue from one bed to another. Sometimes I would do something indulgent. Revise a poem. Bake a cake. I'm not talking about the mintues when my daughter is napping or the hours between her bedtime and mine. I'm talking about when Stella is with my husband, and I am really off in body and mind.

They went to swim class this morning. I have a few minutes left of not much more than an hour. What have I done? Read the East Bay Express cover to cover. Took a shower. Ate a plum. Pet the cat. Thought about calling my mother but decided I can do that when I have Stella. Briefly considered my pile of art supplies on the kitchen counter, but I don't want to clean up the mess. Checked email (none). Checked my blog for... what? I don't know, but there was a new comment! Thank you! Which brings me to now. They will rush the door any moment. Her upper body will lean to me with magnetic force, and my real life will begin again. What will I say to him when he asks what I did while they were gone?

Not much.

27 July 2005

Show & Tell

The first wax collage... done on a 2x4.. A gift to my friend Cora who turned seven.

20 July 2005

The Inspiration is Gone

Erica passed through like the scent of night jasmine. She left behind details of tuk-tucks and toilet paper, early rising and unexpected pleasures, and the cutest black jingle-bell baby outfit I've ever seen. For anyone seeking a house guest, I highly recommend her. Other than leaving her light on far more often than one would expect for an environmentalist, she emptied the dishwasher- twice!, ran a fussy Stella in circles- singing and bouncing in a way one would never intend to do in public, and recommended a great shirt for me at the local thrift store. Impressive for a woman under 20.

She also used her student ID to get me a discount card at the Art Store! I am taking back my time. I am going to express my mind and start a dialoge with beeswax, oil paint, and a million scraps of saved paper. Erica inspired this simple bloggy and a host of yet undisclosed artsy-fartsy pursuits. She visited and then went home to Maryland. I am grateful.

12 July 2005

Did you hear what I said?

Blogging is like talking to myself. No, like talking to someone who is reading the paper or watching TV. The thoughts get out, but don’t get in.

Who wants to listen to stories about solid stools or how far a baby can lift her chest off the floor? Other mothers, of course. But we don’t have time. How I have time- use time- to even add a few words here is an honest mystery. The baby is in bed, the husband is engrossed in something on his computer, and I am here, typing, instead of reading The Known World (that’s a fab book), or painting my belly cast, or working on a poem, or even simply staring off into space. How did this happen!? And now, having said all that, instead of feeling suddenly inspired to click off my monitor and skip to the couch with my book, I glance at the clock and see I have just enough time left of today to brush my teeth and tip-toe upstairs to bed.

So be it.

07 July 2005

The Anti-Sleep

I should have cut and paste the 3am email that detailed every losing attempt (and the general tone of the experience) of making Stella sleep. My clever husband knew it would be a nightmare night before he went to So Cal for "work." Mmm-hm. I gave him an eyeful in one of those moments every parent tells you about but you swear you'll never feel. That's right- you want to throw the writhing, Anti-Sleep out the window so you can get just 2 hours, just 2 contiguous hours, of blissful sleep.

It was one of those moments. It lasted 3 hours. She won. We played with the Family Book long enough for her to scratch at a few faces, make like she was going to require a dreaded 4am diaper change, and finally succumb to sleep.

All this from a gal who is generally quite sensible. When it happens, I don't have the practice or the tools. I want to join her in her tantrum and hand her off to the guy "working" in So Cal. Hence the email. At least I could hand off a few words.

The second morning came all too soon and we're playing (!) again. God, she has no shame!

The Anti-Sleep rides the Dashboard Rocker, mocking last night.

05 July 2005

Mama, did you have a blog when it was still cool?

03 July 2005

so, did i miss it?

Today's Doonesbury says the media frenzy on blogs is.... over?! Does that mean blogging is ...out?! Dammit! With so many odd things over the years I have been ahead of the curve- copper jewelry, knitting, Brazil and it's music, red paint, stilt walking, Belize, recycling. Of course, no one ever notices because they're all things I do privately. But a blog is a public venue. It was my chance to be in.

Well, looks like I'm the last one picked for dodge ball again.

Maybe there's private redemption. Today I changed form years of dark pedicures to sheer white. Let's see what the celebs are wearing in August! Not that I'll ever know without Karen's help. I need to rely on her for my entertainment gossip and style. She recently let me know that our hair is in for the first time since 8th grade. Halleluiah!

01 July 2005

no time like the present

When Stella is 13 and asks me if I had a blog (Mom and Dad, did you go to Woodstock?), I want to be able to say, "YES!" I mean, why not? I love to see my words on a bright white screen, I'm currently experiencing the most exciting, transformative time in my life thus far, and everybody's doing it. Well, who cares about everybody. All I care about is that my super cool cousin, Erica, is in Thailand writing kick-ass entries. http://www.smcmerica.blogspot.com/ That's inspiration enough for me.

So I am at work, demonstrating how the workforce is spending too much time on personal internet use. Which means, I should get back to that and try out the blog-thing later on.

Here goes- one click and I'm part of history!